Zoisite's Birthday Surprise
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Zoisite's Birthday Surprise By Angelzoisite Notes: 1) This hentai story features the female Zoisite. A-ko: Shouldn’t it be “Zoycite” then? B-ko: Well, some people are just stupid. C-ko: Besides, who ever heard of continuity in a SM lemon? Especially a Negaverse lemon? Before any of you Japanese Sailor Moon fanatics flame me (or her), B-ko: Flame *her*? Since when do anime characters have email addresses? D-ko: Hey, I’m not Japanese, so does that mean I can flame her? A-ko: Do you really want to waste the time and effort? D-ko: Good point. I want to say a few things about Zoisite. A-ko: Of course she does. Knowing this author’s reputation, she must defend her beloved “Zoisite” against all adversaries. Heaven forbid anyone actually *like* the original version! B-ko: (sarcastically) What, you mean like Zoisite as a *male*? C-ko: Enough, you two. She looks like a beautiful girl A-ko: I always thought he looked like a beautiful boy, myself. B-ko: Funny, I’ve never seen an anime woman with such a flat chest. C-ko: Yes, but a woman *could* be that flat, especially wearing a uniform. D-ko: This isn’t the Real World, though. This is anime. The average breast size is a 34-C. B-ko: Besides, look at those shoulders and hips. If Zoisite really was a woman, she must have some severe estrogen deficiencies. and I like her better this way so I write my fanfics with her as a girl. The character is not "fake" as female. B-ko: My, someone sounds defensive! What crawled up her- A-ko: No! As if the fic wasn’t bad enough, we don’t need any vulgar comments out of you. She is quite real, D-ko: What has she been smoking? B-ko: I could use some of that shit... C-ko: *sigh* A-ko: I admit, I often wish that anime characters were physical beings, but even I haven’t been able to convince myself that they are *real*. B-ko: Considering that that is coming from a girl who talks to voices in her head, that means that the author is even *more* pathetic than she is. D-ko: Is that possible? A-ko: Oh, shut up... wonderfully brought to life by Ms. Kirsten Bishop. D-ko: Here I thought that Kristen Bishop was just a voice-actress. Looks like she’s a mad scientist in her spare time. B-ko: That must look great on her resume. A-ko: You know, I really don’t have anything against Ms. Bishop. She is certainly a better VA than, say, Terri Hawkes. However, she was mis-cast as Zoycite and was much more suited to the role of Emerald. If you prefer her as a man, whatever, I can't stop you. B-ko: No shit, Sherlock. But please don't try to tell people how a female Zoisite lover D-ko: “...female Zoisite lover?” Whoa, now this is turning into a self-insertion ‘fic? A-ko: *groans* is "disrespecting" Naoko-sama, just because of a different viewpoint. B-ko: I’ll tell them if I damn want to! If she can spout off her Pro-Zoycite nonsense, then I have every right to proclaim my Pro-Zoisite opinions! A-ko: It *is* disrespecting Naoko-sama, though! Making Zoisite into a woman wasn’t an artistic vision. It was a quick fix to dealing with north America’s homophobic culture. If that isn’t disrespectful, I don’t know what is! D-ko: Save the socio-political rants for another time, will you? That really ticks me off, because the female Zoisite is wonderful and she is in no way "fake." A-ko: Yes, well the author’s narrow mind ticks me off! If she would just open her mind a bit and actually *watch* the original episodes- D-ko: ENOUGH! She has got so much personality and spunk, she rocks! And I say that if people like her, let them like her! D-ko: Don’t start. A-ko: *growls* B-ko: Similarly, if someone wants to like the original version, let them like him! None of the other Zoycite writers have the need to defend her in their introduction. Why does she? 2) In case you have never heard of it, a canoli is a type of pastry, that is found at bakeries. It has a long, hard shell outside, usually covered with sugar, and it is filled with sweet cream inside. B-ko: (sarcastically) Gee, I can’t see the reference there! A-ko: You know, I’ve had canolies before. They’re so sugary it’s nauseating. D-ko: The same could be said about this author’s ‘fics... C-ko: Wait, “it is filled with sweet cream inside.” Isn’t that a bit redundant? A-ko: Yes, it is. Although, at least she appears to have used a spell checker. Now maybe someone could introduce her to the wonderful world of grammar.
3) You can email me at angelzoisite@yahoo.com. Thanks for reading! Zoisite wearily teleported herself home to Malachite's castle. A-ko: *Malachite’s* castle? If they live together, shouldn’t it be *their* castle? C-ko: The author exhibits this sort of subservient language throughout all of her ‘fics. B-ko: Ugh, that whole cliché dominant male, submissive female traditional relationship really irks me. D-ko: Feminazi. B-ko: Hell, no! I just hate seeing strong women give in because it’s what they’re “supposed” to do! Besides, all of the cool female characters in shoujo anime are the ones that defied that stereotype. Just look at Haruka and Juri! A-ko: So now you’re saying that Zoycite was strong? B-ko: Well, yes, as a matter of fact. She held her own in a male-dominated kingdom. I can’t see Zoycite as the meek little princess that this author constantly makes her out to be. D-ko: Like being out of character has ever mattered in a SM lemon. She had experienced an exhausting day. Queen Beryl was making her assignments very difficult. B-ko: Queen Beryl was making her assignments difficult? I thought it was the senshi and Tuxedo-dork who kept stealing the nijizuishou and defeating the Seven Shadows? A-ko: I guess we were wrong. Zoisite sighed. "No break," she thought D-ko: I’ll give her a break... *cracks knuckles* "not even on my birthday." B-ko: Oh, poor baby! Next thing you know, she’ll be demanding Sundays off. A-ko: That was a bad pun. Besides, wouldn’t that be Nephrite asking for Sundays off? B-ko: Oh, like you could have thought of a better line? She looked around for Malachite, but could not find her lover anywhere in the castle. He had told her he would see her after her assignments were through, but he wasn't home yet. B-ko: Well, what the hell does he do all day? D-ko: Judging by the “Toy Soldiers” doujinshi, he’s boinking Beryl. A-ko: That’s an image I didn’t need to see. Zoisite went into the master bedroom and removed her general's uniform – a dull grey with some green piping to brighten up the collar and cuffs. A-ko: Come on, it’s not like SM fans don’t know what the uniforms look like. C-ko: May I restate the redundancy of this ‘fic? She was going to take a shower. B-ko: Ain’t that just hunky-dory! On the bed she shared with Malachite, she found a box with a note attached that read "Zoisite my sweet please put this on and wait for me here, Love Malachite.” A-ko: My, I know they gave Kunzite a full frontal lobotomy when they made him into Malachite, but would his grammar be *that* bad? C-ko: Maybe not, but the author’s sure is. She untied the pale blue ribbon and opened the box. Inside was a beautiful sugar pink short transparent nightie and matching panties. Tiny pastel roses decorated the outfit. A-ko: What’s with all the pink? Is there some reason why she needs to look like a Barbie-doll? D-ko: Lemon cliché #163: Girly, pink lingerie. C-ko: The complete lack of punctuation in that second sentence made me run out of breath just reading it! "How lovely," she thought as she fingered the delicate lingerie. D-ko: Eew... she can’t even wait for Malachite to get there? Is she so randy that she needs to start feeling up her clothing? C-ko: O_O A-ko: You have a sick mind, do you know that? D-ko: It’s a gift. She brought it into the bathroom with her and placed it on a towel while she showered. Malachite teleported into the bedroom with the package he'd picked up from Earth. He heard Zoisite's angel - like singing from the shower and smiled to himself. C-ko: What’s with the extra spaces around the hyphen? B-ko: As if her writing “skills” haven’t amazed us enough... A-ko: Kristen Bishop’s vocals don’t really strike me as the kind that would bend themselves to singing rather well. Now, Nanba Keiichi-sama on the other hand... He noticed that his note had been read and the box had been opened. B-ko: Observant, isn’t he? A-ko: Well, it doesn’t say how *long* it took him to notice. Knowing Malachite’s levels of deduction (or lack thereof), he was probably staring blankly around the room for a good while. "Good," he thought. He removed his clothes and put on his own special "outfit." A-ko: Dear gods, why do I not like the sound of this? C-ko: *twitches* B-ko: You know, almost all kinky clothing made for guys just ends up making them look like dweebs. Very few guys can actually pull off looking good in a speedo or anything similar. I don’t think that Malachite is one of those guys. D-ko: Kunzite could. B-ko: So can David Bowie *all begin drooling* C-ko: Um, you guys, Kunzite and Malachite look the same. B-ko: Yeah, but Kunzite could have kicked Malachite’s ass to the Moon and back. He just has this quality about him. D-ko: Not to mention a few more brain-cells. When Zoisite finished showering, she dried her soft skin with a blue towel. B-ko: Here I thought she would just walk around dripping wet. The author sure has a way of stating the obvious, doesn’t she? D-ko: *snicker* Well, this is a lemon. If Zoycite isn’t wet now, she will be in a little- A-ko: No! What did I say about vulgarity? D-ko: *snickers* Then she put on the pretty nightwear Malachite had left her. She combed her long golden hair and dried it with a blast of petals. Then she lightly sprayed herself with her pink petal body spray. B-ko: Pink? More pink? *groans* A-ko: Hey, pink isn’t all bad. Utena and Mikage both have pink hair, and they kick butt. B-ko: Yeah, but they don’t deck themselves up like Barbie either. A-ko: True... When she was finished, Zoisite opened the bathroom door and found Malachite lying on the luxurious master bed, facing away from her. He appeared to be stark naked with only his long silky hair covering his shoulders and upper back. The sight of him brought such an incredible heat to her loins. A-ko: It brought such incredible heat to her loins that she spontaneously combusted, and we were spared reading the rest of this tripe. The end. B-ko: Now who’s delusional? She drew in her breath, taking him all in. B-ko: The girl’s got quite a set of lungs! I don’t know anyone who could inhale a full-grown man in a single breath. A-ko: She then promptly choked on him as he lodged in her throat, and they both died. The end. B-ko: Sure they did, kid. "Ah, Zoisite," Malachite said just turning his head so he could see her. C-ko: I just got this image of Malachite turning his head *completely* around, a la “The Exorcist”. D-ko: So now he’s going to start screaming and vomiting up green slime? A-ko: I’d rather see that than the rest of this ‘fic. "I see you are wearing that lovely outfit I gave you. B-ko: Malachite’s deduction of the obvious strikes again! A-ko: Maybe he’s related to the author. It looks beautiful on you." He admired the gentle curves of her breasts and waist. "Turn around so I can see your pretty backside please." A-ko: Curves? What curves? Has the author even *watched* the show? Due to the fact that Zoisite is actually a *man*, he has no curves! C-ko: You mean, she has no curves. A-ko: Yeah, sure. Zoisite flushed prettily from the compliment and posed a bit for Malachite's benefit. B-ko: Here we go with the blushing, innocent routine again. If I could see Zoycite in any sort of sexy clothing, it sure wouldn’t be that prissy little thing. A dominatrix outfit would be much more in character. D-ko: Methinks someone has a secret fetish. A-ko: For Zoycite, or dominatrix clothing? D-ko: Does it matter? B-ko: *glares* "Lovely," he thought. He glanced down at his "costume." It wasn't going to last much longer with the heat he was experiencing from looking at Zoisite. A-ko: *twitches* I really don’t think I want to keep reading. B-ko: Too bad, if we have to sit through this, so do you. A-ko: Sadist. B-ko: Masochist is more like it if I’ve made it this far. D-ko: So that’s why you like the dominatrix thing, eh? B-ko: Shut up. "Come here, Zoisite," he said, turning away. "I have a surprise waiting for you." D-ko: Well, at least he didn’t say “Cum here.” A-ko: Thank the gods. This ‘fic is bad enough as it is. Full of curiosity, D-ko: Not to mention other bodily fluids... A-ko: Please, don’t mention fluids... Zoisite stepped forward and lifted herself into a sitting position on the big bed. She crawled across the dark blue satin sheets to her lover. B-ko: She can crawl in a sitting position? Her talents continue to astound me. Malachite turned over onto his back to reveal the surprise. He wasn't entirely naked. White and pink frosting covered his chest, with a sugar rose placed where each nipple should be. A-ko: That just sounds *so* tacky. B-ko: What a surprise... more pink. C-ko: Wait a minute. If he was lying on his stomach, how did he keep the frosting from smearing all over the sheets? D-ko: The laws of physics don’t apply in lemons. You know that. And covering his manhood was the most delicious canoli she had ever seen. A-ko: O_O B-ko: (grumbles) I didn’t see that one coming... C-ko: Does the author mean “covering” as in “sheathing” or “laying on top of”? A-ko: Uh... sheathing, I guess. How else would it have stayed on when he rolled over? D-ko: You know, canoli *are* about the size of the average penis. However, if Malachite is inside of the pastry part, then he must not be very big... A-ko: Let’s not get into size, shall we? Lemons seem to do that enough without any encouragement. "Oooh, Malachite, what's this?" she giggled, playfully touching the cream on his chest with a delicate finger. B-ko: It would appear to be frosting. Yeesh, has all that Barbie clothing made her as dumb as a doll? A-ko: Perhaps Malachite has just been rubbing off on her. C-ko: O_O A-ko: Not *that* way, ecchi! D-ko: Who has the sick mind now? "This is your birthday cake, my dear. B-ko: Some birthday cake. Where is the ice cream or the candles? A-ko: Don’t encourage the author. So make a wish and eat every last bit and then your wishes will come true." He smiled sensually at her. "Don't miss a bit of the icing, or else you won't get your wishes." B-ko: Is it wish or wishes? Man, this guy can’t even keep that straight! A-ko: Just the thought of anyone eating that much frosting is making me feel sick. D-ko: This whole pretense of a story is making my teeth ache. "With pleasure," she thought as she began on the left side of his chest. She daintily picked up the sugar rose with her teeth and ate it. Malachite moaned softly as she licked his breast clean, and erotically licked the frosting from her face. C-ko: Huh? Did she lick the frosting from her face, or did he? D-ko: Does it really matter? C-ko: I suppose not, but I wish the author would utilize the english language a bit more properly. A-ko: Don’t we all. She sucked at his hardened nipples, B-ko: Considering her lung capacity, she must be sucking his internal organs right out of his chest. A-ko: Through his nipples? *winces in pain* making sure that she got every last bit of the sweet cream. Malachite moaned with pleasure at the sensations her little tongue was causing him to feel. His manhood grew stiff as well from the overwhelming pleasure of Zoisite suckling him. C-ko: “Grew stiff as well”? What else is getting stiff? A-ko: I don’t think we want to know. D-ko: He’s only getting an erection *now*? I guess Zoycite isn’t the only one with hormonal imbalances. B-ko: That fits in with the author’s other ‘fics, though. Malachite seems to need Viagra in all of them. Zoisite finished the first breast and started on the second one, B-ko: From the way that is phrased, I get the impression that Malachite has *female* breasts. D-ko: That hormonal imbalance must be worse than we thought. A-ko: Maybe he had testicular cancer, and he had to have his testicles removed. The resulting lack of hormones caused him to grow breasts. You know, like the guy in “Fight Club”. *all chanting* “His name was Robert Parson...” repeating the licking and sucking that was driving her love crazy with delight. This was wonderful for her as well - to eat sweet cream from her handsome Malachite's body. A-ko: (flatly) Oh, yes, baby. D-ko: This is about as erotic as a Math textbook. B-ko: *smirk* And you said *I* have the weird fetishes! He was firm and smooth under the cream, and her tongue enjoyed every second of its feast. B-ko: I’d hope he was firm! If his skin started getting all mushy and whatnot, I’d be really worried. D-ko: You never know. He might just be leprous. She could go to lick up a big dollop of cream and end up licking up a bit of him along with it. A-ko: Now I really *am* going to be sick... After licking his broad chest clean, she paused to savor the sweet taste in her mouth. B-ko: Like she hasn’t had enough time already to savour the flavour. A-ko: Hey, you’re a poet! D-ko: And you didn’t even know it. C-ko: But your feet sure show it... B-ko: That’s enough of that, thank you. "I hope you aren't full," said Malachite, "because there is still the canoli." A-ko: Oh, gods, I forgot about that. B-ko: Too bad the author didn’t. "Oh, I've still got lots of room," Zoisite replied. She smiled as she looked at the sweet cylindrical dessert placed around Malachite's manhood. "I wonder where he got such a big one," she thought. C-ko: Here the author goes with those vague pronouns again. Does she mean, “where did he get such a big canoli,” or, “where did he get such a big penis”? D-ko: Well, you can buy attachments to make the latter look bigger. A-ko: I thought we weren’t going to discuss the size thing? She leaned down and swirled her tongue around the large poof D-ko: *tee hee* Poof! C-ko: Well, there’s a slang-term I haven’t heard before. of white cream sprinkled with green sugar. B-ko: Hey, it’s not pink! She slowly ate it away, exposing the tip of Malachite's manhood. Malachite moaned with the gentle sensualness A-ko: “Sensualness”? What kind of word is that? C-ko: An improper one, that’s what kind it is. I guess she means “sensuality”. Got to love her grasp of english. of her actions. She was so good! A-ko: Ok, the author is getting a little too into this story for my comfort. D-ko: Well, at least *someone* is getting an erotic reaction from this. I can’t decide if I should get sick or go to sleep. B-ko: Go to sleep. This story isn’t worth getting sick over. Zoisite bit into the crunchy powdered shell of the canoli, D-ko: However, she bit a little too hard, and took off a chunk of Malachite’s penis while she was at it. B-ko: Considering that he’s leprous, that wouldn’t be too hard to do. A-ko: Sounds rather painful, if you ask me. B-ko: Yeah, but this is Malachite, remember? He won’t notice for another ten minutes or so. breaking it B-ko: I hope she means breaking his penis. A-ko: I still say you’re a sadist. D-ko: Oh, so *she’s* the one who’s going to be wearing the black leather? B-ko: Will you stop that? so she could slide the pieces off and eat them. D-ko: Delicious and nutritious, tastes just like chicken! B-ko: Everything tastes like chicken, and don’t start quoting “The Matrix”. A-ko: Damn. Then she sucked the remaining cream that covered his love pole. B-ko: “Love pole”? Why can’t these people tell how utterly idiotic that sounds? A-ko: This isn’t as bad as her other ‘fics. “Manhood” I can handle, but some of the other names she’s used sound like they came out of a cheap paperback romance. C-ko: They probably did. She did such a good job that she got another surprise - a shot of Malachite's sweet man stuff into her mouth. *pause* B-ko: “Man stuff”... that’s classic. A-ko: Of all the blatantly stupid phrases I have ever heard... C-ko: O_o D-ko: Besides, I wouldn’t describe it as “sweet”. Salty, perhaps... A-ko: That’s more information than I need, thank you. "Ohhh, Zoisite...Now your wishes will come true," said Malachite. "Lay down," he ordered her. D-ko: How does he know what her wish is? Everyone knows that you’re not supposed to tell anyone. If you do, it won’t come true. Zoisite lay down and let Malachite straddle her. She closed her eyes and sighed as he began to...eat her underwear! A-ko: Well, that’s one way to get it off... B-ko: He’s got to get his fiber somehow! Malachite chuckled, noting her surprise. "This is a special nightie, my dear." He licked a spot and it melted away where his tongue had been. B-ko: Gee, you think? I figured he would have licked it, and a piece on the other side of her body would have melted! A-ko: The author’s ability to state the obvious strikes again. "It's made of sugar." C-ko: So how come it hasn’t melted or fallen apart before now? Sugar isn’t exactly the most stable substance. She had it in the bathroom when she took a shower, so you think the steam would have made it melt right then. A-ko: There’s a list of “The Anime Laws of Physics”, but I think someone needs to rewrite it to “The Anime Laws of Physics in Bad Lemons”. "Ohhhh..." Zoisite murmured happily as she realized the pleasures that it would bring her. A-ko: How is a sugar-teddy going to give her pleasure? D-ko: Well, she was fingering it earlier. Maybe it will finger her back? A-ko: I’m sorry I asked... Malachite licked her outfit, letting the sugary "fabric" dissolve in his mouth. C-ko: What’s with all the unnecessary quotation marks in this author’s ‘fics? B-ko: Only the gods know. He ate off the candy roses D-ko: He accidentally bit off a nipple while he was at it. A-ko: Owwww! C-ko: Leprosy *is* extremely contagious. and made two holes on the breasts of the sheer nightie letting her nipples pop through so he could bite them gently. C-ko: Her nipples *popped* out? A-ko: Why do I hear this cheesy “boing” sound accompanying that phrase? "Ohhhhh...Mmmmmmmm..." Zoisite was greatly enjoying this. D-ko: It’s good to know that someone is. A-ko: I thought that that moaning was in pain. I’m glad that the author cleared that up for me. Malachite lifted her up and tore apart her top with his teeth, baring her whole chest. C-ko: The fabric is sheer, so her chest was pretty much already bared. Besides, I thought he was supposed to eat it off her. A-ko: I don’t mind. Maybe this atrocity will be over soon if they get on with it. Then he kissed her lavishly all over her breasts, neck, and back. After pleasing her with kisses he turned his attention to her pink panties, which were covering her stomach and her backside. B-ko: But not her bottom! A-ko: Did she pull them up to her armpits? D-ko: Wedgie! C-ko: Well, if they’re made of sugar, then my guess is that they don’t have an elastic waistband. Hence, they wouldn’t stay up, so she had to pull them up as high as possible. He ran his tongue lightly over her underwear, bringing moans and coos from his love. D-ko: Yeah, sure. Having a guy lick your underwear is the most amazing feeling in the whole world. He licked harder melting away the barrier to her soft skin. He re- covered her stomach and derriere with his kisses. Then he lay her down again A-ko: He lay her down? B-ko: Me no speak english real good. C-ko: Neither does the author. Who and whom I can forgive, but lay and laid is so obvious it’s pathetic. A-ko: At least there aren’t any there, their and they’re mix ups. B-ko: Not that it helps the story much. and thrust his mouth into the sugar crotch and eagerly ate it away, completely disrobing her, and exposing her copper - blonde mound of curls covering her womanhood. B-ko: He thrust his mouth *into* the crotch? D-ko: Leprosy strikes again. A-ko: Why is it that bad lemons always have to mention pubic hair? Is there something erotic about it that I’m missing? "Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...Oh, Malachite," Zoisite moaned softly. Malachite had licked up all the sugar, but he didn't let his tongue stop there. A-ko: Are there labour laws for tongues? D-ko: I don’t know, but maybe it gets paid overtime. He thrust it into her love tunnel licking up her sweetness. He caressed her with his tongue as his hands roamed over her breasts and stomach. A-ko: Great, here we go with the lame slang terms again. B-ko: You know, I’d almost prefer to hear “pussy” than “love tunnel”. D-ko: Me too, I’ve got all these great cat jokes I’ve been saving up... Zoisite gripped his shoulders as she climaxed and gave Malachite a mouthful of her own sweetness to savor. C-ko: A mouthful? Granted, females occasionally ejaculate a *bit* of fluid. However, it only tends to be when someone hits her G-spot, and I don’t think it’s very easy to do with one’s tongue. Then they both lay down together, satisfied. B-ko: Well, whoop-de-doo for them! "Happy birthday, my love," whispered Malachite as he hugged her close. "I hope you enjoyed your present." B-ko: Yeah, let’s just completely forget how out of character that was for both of them! "Oh, yes," she whispered back. "It was wonderful." She smiled as she cuddled close to her love. She was going to remember this for Malachite's next birthday. A-ko: Please tell me there’s not a sequel to this thing... D-ko: What, that’s it? B-ko: You want it to keep going? D-ko: No, but I thought this was a lemon. There wasn’t anything erotic about that story! C-ko: What did you expect? D-ko: Good point. A-ko: You know, MSTs are supposed to be another form of comments and criticism (or at least that’s one way to view them), so perhaps we should give some pointers. B-ko: Why, do you think the author is ever going to read this? D-ko: You never know. C-ko: First and foremost, learn some grammar. In particular, the author should focus on comma usage. Commonly mixed up words (laid and lay) would be another good one to look into. She appears to have used a spell-checker, which is more than I can say for some ‘fics, but she needs to polish up her english. A-ko: The language usage could also use some work. A lot of the piece is set up in a “He said this. She did that” format, which makes the whole thing dull. Liven up the sentences a bit more and get some more variety to the language. Pull out a thesaurus if necessary. B-ko: If you aren’t going to keep the characters in character, then make up your own! Seeing Zoycite and Malachite behave in that fashion was preposterous. Please note that I am not saying this because you chose to use the female version of the character; I really don’t have anything against her. However, I hate seeing her behave in that wussy, prissy princess-like manner, when all evidence in the series shows her to be a completely different person. A-ko: That reminds me, get rid of the whole “I like Zoycite!” rant at the beginning. No other author who utilizes the female version has the need to defend her. Simply state, “This ‘fic uses the female version,” and leave it at that. That paragraph is only going to turn away readers and attract flamers. D-ko: Finally, lay off the bad romance novels! The whole pretense of a plot was weak and far too sappy. Try to get some characterization, some real meat to the story. B-ko: You know, “meat” could be read in the wrong way, especially since we’re dealing with a lemon. D-ko: *rolls eyes* Anyhow, stop using words like “love pole”, “manroot” and so on. Quite frankly, they sound ridiculous. If you’re not mature enough to use “penis”, then why are you writing lemons? Some words, like “member”, “organ”, and “erection” aren’t quite as clinical, but don’t sound stupid. Even “cock” sounds better than “love pole”. C-ko: Although, this ‘fic didn’t utilize nearly as many nicknames for genitalia as some of the other works this author has produced. A-ko: So why don’t we go MST some of those pieces, eh? *all grin evilly*
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